I am Sorry I Hurt You

Have you guys ever hurt someone else with your words? I did.

I might sound nice and all innocent in my writings but I am really not good with my speech. I tend to hurt or offend people with my speech without having a single clue about it…at all. Most of the time I was trying to joke around and I ended up bluntly saying things that I am not supposed to. It’s often too late when I finally realized and regretted about it.

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When I was between 13 and 17 during my middle school days, I had a classmate who adore and respect me for my good merits. She thought that I am a creative writer and that I am a responsible and dependable leader. She even voted and fully supported me to be the class representative during my second year and the vice president of our school orchestra and marching bands during my fifth year. There were a lot more things that she had done for me during those days and back then I never really thought much of it nor did I do anything to repay or thank her.

The worse thing was I believe that I was the sole reason she spent those five years miserably with those cruel mistreatment from the boys. During our first year in the school, I jokingly told the boy she had a crush on that she has a crush on him. What did I expect from a 13 years old boy would react to that? Of course, he was embarrassed and told all of the other boys and then they were all started making fun of her as if she’s not from the same human species as they are. They made fun of her for those 5 years as if she doesn’t have the right to like somebody. They even went as far as nicknamed her as ‘The Corpse’ because of her pale skin tone. There were more and while thinking about those memories, I felt like shit.

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Then there were also some incidents with my other friends where I jokingly blurted out some embarrassing secrets that were told to me in front of the other people thinking that would be funny. The moment I caught up with their changes in expressions, I just knew that I have gone too far. Some of the time I tend to joke too much that they all turned into embarrassing and degrading jokes rather than a funny one. They’ll normally cause some awkward moments of silence and again I just knew that I’ve gone too far.

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I am an adult now. I’ve learned to watch my words although there are times that I can’t control myself. I’ve learn not to joke with secrets. I’ve learned that if some things are embarrassing to me, they are embarrassing for others too. I’ll be more sensitive about it. So, to all of my friends that are reading this especially Ezd, please accept my apologies. I am so sorry.

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