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| Photo © Salvatore Vuono on FreeDigitalPhotos.Net |
When my Dad walked out on my Mum, she became totally helpless. She fell sick and deeply depressed. She was desperate for love, desperate for attentions, and desperate to have someone on her side to agree with her with just every single thing. It was annoying and I felt that she might have just lost her mind back then. It’s like the end of her world. At times, I keep telling her to forget, to live her life happily. I guess it is easier to be said than done.
And then it was my turn to be walked out on. It was hell. Worse, when he decided to completely kill my self-esteem by telling it was for someone else. I felt worthless. I cried and I even begged. I was panicked and I got depressed. I was at the bottom of the world. I felt naked in my own clothes. I cried for months and I nearly killed myself while driving when I was crying for him. I couldn’t sleep at nights without listen to his voice first and I hate waking up without him by my side. If I can, I will pick him up off my dream and hug him for real. I was turning into my Mum and I hate that.
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As much as I want my Mum to be happy again, I want it as much for myself. I don’t want to hang on to the resentment, cling up to the pain and die as a sad person. I tried many ways to get over it. I had spent a whole lot of money to make myself happy while believing that time will eventually erases it. And then I realized that it is easier to be said than done. I need someone to hug me and tells me that it will be okay. My heart still aches to just think about it every now and then. Maybe I was doing it wrong. May I should try harder. Maybe I just have to find the happiness left within me. Or maybe I just have to hurt a little bit more while picking up the pieces. I know there will be scars but there’s always a plastic surgery for every scar.
Welcome to my blog. I thought of posting this entry up on New Year as a sign to a new beginning but then I feel that there must be an end to the old one before we can start a new one. So I choose to post this before New Year as Christmas is approaching. It is a happy occasion that includes gifts and love that celebrates every ends, every year. A happy ending will always create a happy new beginning, here’s the gift for myself. A new beginning for emilyyee.com. Merry Christmas to all. I am picking up the first piece. Love, Emily.
So what was the best gift that you have ever given to yourself?
So what was the best gift that you have ever given to yourself?
34 comments:
The moment you wrote this down, I believe you have decided to let go; do yourself the favour to set yourself free.
Just as I mentioned in my blog, "Lessons in the past we need to learn but forward we must move on … for that is where our future lies."
I sincerely wish for you the strength and courage to take on any challenge that you may be facing in your life now.
Just to share one quotation by Louise L. Hay, "The past is over, so it has no power now. The thoughts of this moment create my future."
For a person to move forward in life, you must leave behind you hurts, resentment, unforgiveness, envy, unhealthy relationships.
I am happy for you for not allowing the past to affect the future.
Hey my dear, I'm glad you're taking the first step towards self recovery: leashing it all here and acknowledges that you HAVE to move on.
I've never experienced any heartbreaks myself but tyranny would be of the same category of heartache and injury to self esteem as well. I was depressed when I was 16 but I guess you learn from your mistakes. Taking the first step is indeed painful but what life would be if it's just a completely mundane ride right?
To be honest, I never actually moved on completely. To be betrayed by someone you trust and subsequently being shamed in front of everyone. It's hurtful. The scar's still there but it serves as a personal reminder to not repeat my mistakes again. Plastic surgery may conceal but it won't erase what's happened completely. You may forgive but it's hard to forget, don't you think? :(
Whatever it is, the start of a new year (or a new haircut; that's what I do, lol) is ALWAYS the start of everything. Here's to 2011 and an awesome year of new beginnings for you, Emily! :)
p.s: Words are powerful healer of emotions. Keep writing alright! :)
I've never been dumped and I can't even comprehend the pain that you went through but know this, you definitely deserve better.
And well, it's better he vamoose now than later. Of course, letting go and getting over someone is not easy. NEVER easy but not impossible.
So, here's a cheer that 2011 will be a better year for you. Don't get into another relationship so fast k.
Take time to rediscover urself... to do all the things u want to do.. that sometimes hinders u if u re in a relationship.
and know that u deserve someone who loves u 100% and will always do so irregardless anything and everything. =)
of course there will be weak moments.. down times.. and this is most important to surround urself with good friends who r there for u no matter what.
when a door closes, another one opens. it really does.
May 2011 be an awesome year for u! Don't wait for it to be one, make it one! That's my motto for 2011..
Hugs!!
hey emily.. thanks fr dropping by my blog.
Well after reading yours i felt like you were abit like my past, the person i used to be..
But its a good start since u decided to let go and move forward.
life is short, so live life to the fullest.
i adore ur bravery for being able to let go and move on, the 1st step is alwiz the hardest but o long as u keep on strong, u will make it thru.
I hope to c u writing more and keep in touch.
Hi, thanks for all lovely and supportive comments. Really appreciate them.
@BK:
That is a lovely quotation. It is really inspiring. It's true that I can't do anything about the past. I hope I can do better in my future tho I knew that it wont and it will never be easy.
@editor:
To my surprise, I can't and never hate him. I hope I will never be. I don't want to be hateful. I want to be a happy person.
@SWei:
Hey, babe. Thanks for dropping by with such a lovely message. You are right. Plastic surgery may conceal but it won't erase what's happened completely. Most of the time all we need is just someone to be there to tell that it's okay, it's gonna be alright.
I will keep on writing, of course. I find it powerful too. Happy New Year to you too. :)
@goingkookies:
Wow, you must be very lucky for never been dumped. :)
I don't want to miss the newly opened door either, so I wont let myself drown into that sea of sadness.
I love your motto, let's all of us make it one!
@princess V:
Hi, girl. Thanks for dropping by as well. I wonder how and I don't know what you went through but I know that you must be doing great right now. I am glad with that and that makes me to try to do my best. :)
hi,
after each of ur post.. u have the links to share like on twitter.. facebook etc.. how do u do that? =)
@goingkookies
It's Share This button. You can get it from here. They will have the instructions on how to install on their page.
thanks!! going to try it out now! =)
and i ve never been dumped cos i m still with the same first bf =p hehe.. although i haven't been dumped.. he's put me through alot of heartaches too =p
Hey Emily Yee,
:) Well, there are ups and downs. Just wanna let you know, you still got a friend in all of us ok. Also if you're bored, I can create a Yushi Fong for you. hohoho...
:) So cheer up. There are many memories of us amongst your readers whom you havent met before too that you could cherish.
Letting go is never an easy task. However, if one does not let go of the past, he or she will be haunted by memories, and the pain will not only linger, it will even increase and literally ruin him. The past will be like a chain tied to the feet, and he will never be able to let go. Soon enough, he will realize that time has already gone past him. But if he learns to let go, that will be a sign of strength for him.
Memories that give pain should be forget soon and sweet memories should be remember always which make us smile. Life is full of ups and downs. We should always try to cope with our life with all difficulties and sorrow. We there is no sorrow we can not value happiness.
Thanks for sharing your inner mind and experience with us emilyyee :-)
It must be very hard for you to be in such position. I have been also like that before and I have shared my stories with my friends, they help me cope with it and I recover fast from such heartache. It's a good thing you've shared this. It can help you a lot. Sharing your feelings and thoughts can help you to cope. I wish you good luck my friend!
It is really hard to let go some thing which is very precious. But every thing has its own time limit. You write about this topic, that means you know the pain.
Sharing the suffering lessens the burden even though it may never makeup what has been really lost. That's the expression of a deep tie a bond that the heart would never break at any cost even will to embrace again inspite of being knocked out and being stipped out perhaps without any glympses of truth, sharing the similar fate of mother!! once perhaps looking at mother you might have felt to counsel but today when you face the similar???? Yea no answer believe Time and the nature yes are the great healers.
well letting go is the hardest thing to do. It leaves us no choice. It leaves us real empty no where to the point of no return. I know it is really hard to pick up the broken pieces and it is really hard moving on and pretend you're alright, but sooner all later time will heal all wounds and you'll be back on your feet again. Cheers :)
Pain is a hardest feel which everyone faces in life. When we have to leave someone whom we need most, its the extreme level of pain. But sometimes its better to let go, so we gain power to face the life independently. I believe, we can taste the essence of life, fighting alone than depending on a support! Cheers!
If you can face your problem and admit that there is something that must be done about it, it is not a problem anymore. Now that the bad time is over, go out and enjoy your new life and be free and happy again. Bless you.
Hi emiylyyee .....
I like to feel what you experienced and how you feel. It is very difficult and always felt heavy to release what we love and we love ... even if only temporarily. But the sages say, that sometimes we must accept the most painful situation even for the common good ... (I think including in situations that you experienced). Like you, I also believe that we always need people we love are near us, as a place to share.
Beyond all that, you express your mood in writing such a beautiful ... so poetic and touching feeling to read it.
Hi emiylyyee .....
I like to feel what you experienced and how you feel. It is very difficult and always felt heavy to release what we love and we love ... even if only temporarily. But the sages say, that sometimes we must accept the most painful situation even for the common good ... (I think including in situations that you experienced). Like you, I also believe that we always need people we love are near us, as a place to share.
Beyond all that, you express your mood in writing such a beautiful ... so poetic and touching feeling to read it.
I am sorry to hear your story. You are right, it is easy to said than done. I know how hard it is to mend a broken heart. It does take some time. I hope you will let it go and let it be. One day you will meet the right one who deserves you.
Very well said! Beautifully expressed yourself! Some errors but still very intersting article. Yes, it's very difficult to let go but I guess that's what love is all about. Love is more about giving than receiving, it's all about caring and sharing so you card enough for yourself to share your grief with us and now give yourself a pat on the back for letting go of the grief!
Taru (tiwari5485)
This is such a bittersweet story to read. I felt everything you said to be true and how hard it is to let go of emotions and feelings of hurt. Everyone has been hurt somehow like this before or will be, but it takes alot of growing up and learning to do this. I think you've gone and done alot of that and will continue to heal better and better as time goes on. I wish the best of luck to you and hope everything works out.
I feel that life is a challenge and to complete that challenge one has to go through a number of hardships. The story you had narrates depicts a dark past but i must say that life goes on at one time or other we should forget the dark time and enjoy the precious life given to us by almighty god..
I felt your pain. I know it's really hard to accept the reality that someone had stopped loving us. Especially if that someone was your dream man. But no matter what we have to move on and look for another great love. Better than the last one we had.
I commend you for writing this. It only means that you are actually starting to let go. Not everyone can do that.
Discipline is probably the best gift I have given to myself. It made me a stronger person, both physically and emotionally. It gave me the kind of support I could never get from anyone.
Hi girl,
If it is true that it is a personal experience.
Honestly, I actually prefer to listen to what is said by people who are experiencing the incident, rather than having to comment and discuss it or even try to solve the problem. I'm sure the feeling is stated in writing the blog was just to release outburst so that the chest didn't tightness. I hope the many people who comment on the blog could be a 'cure'. Vent emotions and be glad
Best regards ;)
From reading this blog I can tell that you have set yourself free, I applaud you because its not easy to let someone go as it took me 2 years. Now that you have recovered it's time to enjoy life and try to take a break from dating, going in to another relationship may have you thinking about your past, hang out with friends go to parties just have fun. I wish you luck.
There are so many colors in our human life although some of them are difficult to bear but its makes our whole life. Here I like to mention the famous quote "Our sweetest songs are those that tells of a saddest though". All of us have some unforgiving moment in life, we cannot let it go that easy but we have to, just for the hope of a better and happy future.
Ironic story of a sad and touching. At the moment people are supposed to share the happiness. In the middle of the day which the moment to be happy just appear sad story, but the story would make a special day be memorable, unforgettable
Hi when I read this article I mean it made me almost want to cry losing someone is never easy, we all go through similar things in life, and I know that time has to be hard for your mother but you have to tell and be strong for your mother and let her know that life goes on, and that you can't hold on to someone for ever, there is a time to cry and there is a time to live and when someone walks out, you have to choose to live. Because its more of her life that need to be lived. So I know how you feel and what you mean, and sometime when you see your parents break down you feel helpless, I know what you mean just hang in there and continue to hold your mom hand.
hi friend first of all great topic and we have to be happy all the time because tensions and fear are in all persons life but we always try to remain happy and have piece in tensions.money not buys happiness if we want to be happy we have to make control on our mind.
Oh.. in this life there really are ups and downs. It's incredebly that really happend to you. i'm really sorry to hear your story.
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